Welcome to Repeat Cruisers: Sonny Bono and Red Buttons (the last episode he was “hands on,” Julie, let’s hope there’s a better role for Red this time).
Storylines are…
Making the Grade: You know that annoying teacher at school that you just dread going to his class? How about if that teacher was aboard the same cruise ship as you and was hitting on your Mom? That’s the situation Danny (Johnny Timko) finds himself in when dreaded History teacher, Mr. Hurley (Dick Gautier) shows up and notices his beautiful mom, Madeline Harris (Jessica Walter). With a little help from Vicki, it’s possible this situation could work out ok for Danny, right? Limerick time!
Danny was a lad who did learn When his teacher his mother’s love did earn At first he was cross But this idea he did toss Improving grades made Danny about turn!
The Gift: In a semi-repeat of a previous storyline premise (S1:E20), a couple takes a cruise they can’t afford! Benny Carter (Sonny Bono) wanted to do something nice for his wife, Sally (Ronee Blakely) so he embezzled some money to take her on a cruise.
Once on the cruise, Benny realizes this probably wasn’t the best idea. He confesses his mistake to Sally. But wait, when Julie delivers donated clothes to the couple to help because their luggage was lost, guess what? Benny finds an envelope on the floor with $2,000 in it!
Now the dilemma, what to do with the money? Red Buttons, as Buddy Redmond, will make an appearance in this storyline as the jacket/envelope owner in a less lecherous role. Jean Redmond (Kaye Ballard), his wife, is also not lecherous. Limerick time!
Benny and Sally: A lad gave a lass a nice gift A weekend on a boat they would drift Though the money he stole Love was his goal, Let’s all hope his boss won’t be miffed
Buddy and Jean: There once was a man whose pact, Meant he’d gamble no more, that’s a fact With the money misplaced, He knew he must face, Only generosity could keep his marriage intact.
Doc’s ‘Ex’ Change: Doc has been married and divorced four times. When one of his ex-wives comes aboard she brings him some news. He’s only been divorced three times! Doc and Samantha (Juliet Prowse) never actually divorced. Now that Samantha and Doc are spending time together, they are remembering why they got married in the first place. Will they decide to skip the divorce? Limerick time!
It’s tricky when you meet with your ex The situation can be so complex When you think you are through But you learn you’re still two! It’s hard to decide what is next.
Presume Not that I Am the Thing I Was*…Danny, a young man who is traveling with his mother, Madeline, is less than thrilled to see his History teacher, Mr. Hurley, aboard. Danny tells his Mom that the teacher’s nickname is Mr. Rotten!
That pretty much says it all, folks. Next!
Benny and Sally Carter are also having some issues with the past. The airline lost their luggage. Benny is pretty angry and threatens to sue everyone involved in this “straying Samsonite” issue. Julie, in an attempt to make things less uncomfortable offers to help any way she can. Stay tuned…
Buddy and Jean Redmond should be here to enjoy the cruise. But they too, are struggling with some things from the past. The first is Buddy’s affection for gambling, the second is the loud plaid jacket Buddy keeps around. Buddy’s gambling and the jacket have a very close connection. The money Buddy won in a bet is now concealed in the interior pocket of the loud plaid jacket. Two things that Buddy’s wife doesn’t like, together. Kind of like a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup of annoyance and deceit. No one wants to eat that, Buddy.
Doc thought his marriage to Samantha was a thing of the past, they were divorced three years ago. He quickly finds out he is mistaken.
Cue the “waht-wah” music. Doc is convinced this is something that needs to be fixed immediately.
No One Is Useless in This World Who Lightens the Burden of It to Anyone Else**… Julie collects some clothes for the Carters who don’t have their luggage. When Julie gets to the Redmonds’ cabin, guess what? Jean (Kaye Ballard) has the perfect item to donate to the cause. The loud plaid jacket she doesn’t like! The same jacket that has an envelope with $2000 in it from one of Buddy’s (Red Buttons) gambling successes. Of course, Jean doesn’t know about the money. She gladly gives Julie the jacket to add to the armful of clothes that has been collected.
Just a quick note, I’m not sure why Kaye only donated something she didn’t like. It seems a bit inconsiderate. Though let me tell you, when there were canned food drives at my school I couldn’t find the peas, spinach, and kidney beans fast enough to bring with me to donate. So, who am I to criticize?
White Wings Against the Sky…Sally (Ronee Blakely) brought a guitar on the trip, and she is singing in the cabin. Benny (Sonny Bono) seems kind of agitated and Sally isn’t sure why. Maybe Benny doesn’t like her song? Benny admits he stole money to pay for this cruise from the petty cash at work. He only did it because he wanted to give Sally something nice (cue sad harmonica music).
Sally insists she only needs Ben’s love (cue the violin music), not a cruise. This information is coming a little late to help Benny now, though I am sure it’s good for him to know.
Benny is worried about what his boss will do since Mr. Vogler is a law and order kind of guy. Gee Benny, here’s another thing you probably should have thought about before stealing the money. You should only take money from nice, forgiving bosses, not ones that think it’s wrong and the thief should be punished (cue the waht-wah music).
Julie delivers the clothes. Benny apologizes to Julie for being difficult. So far so good. Julie leaves. Hey wait…what is this? An envelope full of money! Did it fall out of the clothes, or did it come from under the bed?
It’s obvious both Benny and Sally are doing all the mental gymnastics possible to make it so this money gets to stay with them. This Mysterious Money Envelope is the answer to keeping Benny out of jail! Not stealing wasn’t the answer. Admitting the theft to Mr. Vogler upon return and offering to pay it back by garnishing wages certainly isn’t the answer. Mysterious Money Envelope, you thought of everything! Let’s go eat.
A Full Stomach Means a Happy Heart…Here’s the dessert cart to help!
Nothing can make things more pleasant for Danny (Johnny Timko), though. Guess who’s coming to dinner? That’s right, it’s Mr. Hurley (Danny Gautier), hitting on Danny’s mom (Jessica Walter) and telling Danny to do as his mother says. Great way to ingratiate yourself to a kid, Mr. Hurley. You’re quite the charmer.
Later, Danny’s mom and Mr. Hurley are dancing in the Acapulco Lounge. Vicki tells Danny it looks like he isn’t having a good time. Danny explains the situation to Vicki. Vicki agrees having your Mom and History teacher fall in love may not be the best situation. Then Mr. Hurley decides it’s time for Danny to head off to bed. Oh, Mr. Hurley, you don’t quit!
Doc and Stephanie are eating dinner. Isaac is explaining Doc’s predicament to Captain Stubing. Captain Stubing is confused. Don’t worry Captain Stubing, you’re not alone.
Buddy sees that Benny is wearing the jacket that his wife, Jean, donated on Buddy’s behalf. He heads over to Benny’s table and trades with him. Buddy’s powder blue tuxedo jacket for the plaid coat. Buddy is a bit frantic because he knows the money is in there. It has to be pretty obvious to Benny and his wife why Buddy is so set on getting the jacket back.
A Bridge Too Far…If you thought Captain Stubing was confused about Doc’s situation, you should see Doc and Stephanie (Juliet Prowse). They are dancing. Now they are toasting each other's faults in the moonlight with champagne. Now they are making out and going to bed together. I have to admit I was really uncomfortable watching Doc and his wife making out. And there’s talk of making a baby? I guess? And Doc paying child support? That got serious pretty quickly.
Also in the moonlight, Mr. Hurley tries to tell Madeline all about how she should raise Danny. Madeline should use more discipline. She’s too permissive. Madeline doesn’t respond well to this unsolicited advice. Opps, looks like Mr. Hurley alienated both Danny and his Mom.
I’ll See You on the Lido Deck...I have to mention there are several points at which the camera lingers. 1. A girl in a skimpy bikini applying suntan lotion. 2. A girl in satin short shorts carrying a tray of drinks. 3. And a girl who remains in the background of the scene I am about to discuss. She has her back to us, she is sitting on the edge of the pool, and her bikini bottoms are drooping in a way that is associated with plumbers' pants. This may be a feature of the Love Boat I haven’t noticed before but the bikini plumber butt thing is really distracting and a little embarrassing.
Vicki and Danny are swimming. Danny is explaining to Vicki how relieved he is that things didn’t work out between his Mom and Mr. Hurley. I agree with Danny, but Vicki doesn’t. Ok, let’s give Vicki's viewpoint a listen. Vicki’s opinion is if Danny’s mom is dating Mr. Hurley, that might end up being to Danny’s advantage. I mean, what are the chances Mr. Hurley would fail his girlfriend’s son? Vicki’s logic brings Danny around. (I’m also convinced). Unfortunately, Mr. Hurley and Madeline are currently estranged. How can Danny regain this kryptonite against an “F” in History?
After exhausting every possible reason and option for why the money that Benny found gets to stay with them, Benny and Sally agree it’s Buddy’s. When Buddy has a chance to collect, out of sight of his wife, the young couple give him the money back. That Mysterious Money Envelope that was going to solve all their problems left as quickly as it came (cue sad harmonica music).
Bridge Mix…Captain Stubing and Doc are discussing Doc’s situation while on the Bridge. It feels like a special privilege as the viewer to join them there. They are having coffee (or at least holding coffee mugs) and the sea is visible in the window behind them.
If Benny and Sally’s debates over where the money came from and if they could keep it or not seem complicated than wait until we consider the situation between Doc and his not ex-wife. Doc and Stephanie are in love? Doc doesn’t want to be in love because love ends in divorce? Divorce takes a long time and prevents Doc from focusing on love? Captain Stubing's advice seems to confuse Doc even more. If Doc wants a straight answer he may want to bring a less complex problem next time.
Paging Mr. Morrow, Mr. Tom Morrow…Vicki and Danny’s first ploy to reunite Mr. Hurley and Madeline has two parts. The first part, Danny gets his Mom to the Pirate’s Cove Lounge. The second part, Vicki makes an announcement over the ship’s PA system (in a semi-disguised voice) requesting Mr. Hurley’s presence in the Pirate’s Cove Lounge. Now practically this was a good idea, it’s just that as soon as Madeline sees Mr. Hurley, she’s ready to leave the lounge, and all its delightful theming. Strike one.
Vicki and Danny try a second approach. They’ll write notes to Mr. Hurley and Madeline, pretending to be them. They’ll apologize and ask for a meeting on the Lido Deck. We get to see Vicki’s room as she and Danny are sequestered there while composing notes and correcting each other’s spelling mistakes. There is a really big rag doll in the corner kind of looming over them. Don’t worry, it’s smiling, so I am sure it’s friendly.
Money Can’t Buy Me Love…Jean catches Buddy gambling. She throws a deck of cards at him and storms out. Buddy was playing Black Jack. Jean reached across and took the deck from the dealer’s hand. That seems a bit forward. Jean was mad though, and people do all kinds of things when they are upset, I guess. I hope she went and apologized to the dealer later.
Doc and Stephanie are having dinner in Doc’s cabin. There are candles. Both have a substantial amount of wax from previous use stuck on their sides (the candles, not Doc and Stephanie). And more importantly, it is here that the things that bothered them about each other in the first place return.
The charges are as follows: Stephanie: insists on brushing her hair a certain number of times before bed, does sit-ups in bed, wants fewer blankets on the bed and that causes Doc to feel cold. Doc: wants to wear socks to bed. When Stephanie insists he remove them he doesn’t put them away neatly, wants more blankets on the bed to keep warm. Doesn’t want to wait for Stephanie to brush her hair before they have sex.
There you have it folks. I think we all know how this needs to end.
“X” Marks the Spot…Benny and Sally are discussing the future now that the Mysterious Money Envelope has departed their lives. It seems pretty bleak. (here comes the sad harmonica music). Nothing seems to be able to comfort these two, including the water reflections on the fake window next to them which is an incredible detail in the bar’s theming.
Buddy, who just had his wife throw cards at him, comes into the bar. He gets a drink and sits in the booth next to Benny and Sally. The only thing separating them is a large figurehead. This allows Buddy to hear the young couple talking.
Buddy realizes what he has to do. Secure the rights to the Pirate’ Cove Bar theming and start a franchise! Actually, Buddy seems to understand being generous can help everyone in the Pirate’s Cove Bar (except Isaac, who will not be an immediate beneficiary of the upcoming transaction).
The Lido Deck Is a Four Syllable Phrase for Love…Mr. Hurley and Madeline bring the notes they received to the Lido Deck for the requested meeting. It’s a lovely setting for a reconciliation. Candles in the pool, a feeling of privacy…though it’s just a feeling, Vicki and Danny are keeping an eye on things from behind a set of curtains.
Madeline and Mr. Hurley quickly realize they didn’t write the notes. They also surmise it was Danny who wrote them. Mr. Hurley comments that Danny is smarter than both of them, since he found a way to get them back together. Well played, Mr. Hurley. I think you’ve learned a little bit about how to navigate a relationship with a single mother!
Here comes Vicki and Danny arm in arm. Just in time to witness Madeline and Mr. Hurley kissing. Mr. Hurley tells Danny not to expect preferential treatment now that he and Danny’s mother are dating. In fact, Mr. Hurley says he may have to be tougher on Danny! Cue the sad trombone music. We are treated to Danny and Vicki’s, “This is a fine mess you’ve gotten me into,” moment.
Mysterious Money Envelope, Do Your Stuff! Buddy and Jean are having a chat by the railing. I think there is a lot Buddy wants to say. But, Buddy has said a lot of things to Jean before, and that hasn’t changed anything (many of us can relate to that). Buddy promises his wife he’s only going to gamble one more time. Jean isn’t so sure about this.
Benny and Sally come out onto the deck. Buddy gives Benny the money. Benny gives it back. Buddy gives the money to Sally and says, “I’ve been a gambler all my life, and right now, I”m gambling on you!” Now Benny won’t go to jail. Probably. And Buddy and Jean are back together. Mysterious Money Envelope, is there any problem you can’t solve?
Off to the Gangway! Doc and Stephanie have decided to divorce. Mr. Hurley offers to tutor Danny. Benny, Sally, and the now Not So Mysterious Money Envelope are ready to face Mr. Vogler. Buddy asks Gopher to give his bookie one last fifty as a parting gift. Jean gives Buddy an “oh, you!” response and they leave together.
Hasta La VIsta! A piñata starts us off. Sally brought the guitar. Hey, the Carters’ luggage is here! Danny is carrying a large sombrero.
Rating: Mid-size Cruise Ship. The food was just ok. And I forgot my sombrero.
Making the Grade: Danny and Vicki were great together. I was on Danny’s side the whole time. As long as things worked out for him, it was three anchors almost from the start. This was my favorite storyline because of the two young stars, and it carried the episode for me. Three out of three anchors Little note, Dick Gautier did a lot of voice work for cartoons, including Transformers and G.I. Joe. Jessica Walters appeared on the Love Boat six times.
The Gift: Sally is a singer, and brought a guitar, but we only heard one line of a song. This plotline involved Sally and Benny looking sad a lot. I had no real investment in the Buddy/Jean storyline, but I was happy Red Buttons got to play a more likeable character. One out of three anchors
Doc’s “Ex” Change: Positives: seeing the Bridge of the Love Boat. I can’t think of anything else. The writing in this one didn’t really make me like Doc or Stephanie and the relational logic that was presented was confusing on purpose? I think I was uncomfortable with the making out scenes between Doc and Stephanie because I’ve been spending so much time with the Love Boat–Doc feels like one of my uncles. Your mileage will definitely vary in this storyline, but for me, one out of three anchors.
*quote from Shakespeare **quote from Charles Dickens