S3:E3
Going My Way / Dance With Me / Doc, Be Patient
Okay WOW. Starr Danias and John Meehan - real life ballet dancers - are on board. We’re starting off classy PLUS we’re sure to get some dancing!! On the other end of the spectrum, we have Buddy Hackett! Susan Sullivan is also here and she was on Falcon Crest! Who didn’t love Falcon Crest?
A cab driver named Shakespeare is dropping off Susie Butterfield at the Princess Port. He’s writing a book on all his memorable customers and Susie’s a “real pistol”. Just on the cab ride to port, they’re having lots of laughs. Shakespeare says Susie may be “nuts” but the guy who stood her up for this cruise is “meshuggah”. (I guess someone stood her up.) At the last minute, she invites Shakespeare to take the vacant ticket. He calls her “bananas” and “daffy” but eventually agrees to join. Let’s hang on for more ways he can describe Susie.
Captain Stubing recognizes a woman named Marcy McGuire, who is a former ballet dancer now running her own company in Germany. How does Captain Stubing know so much about ballet dancers? Because apparently, his nephew is studying ballet in New York and has taken Uncle Stubing to see the ballet many times. (Thanks for that tiny back story.) William Delaney is Marcy's former ballet partner and he’s also sailing on this cruise with his new partner, Joanna Robbins. The three dancers agree to meet later, but Joanna looks suspicious as William gives his former partner a kiss goodbye when she leaves to find her cabin.
Gopher and Doc welcome Dr. Emily Bradford and she notices that Doc looks a little flushed. Dr. Bradford offers to check him out, but he insists he’s fine. I sure hope this isn’t one of those cruises where everyone gets norovirus and the toilets overflow. Just in case, let’s all grab our antibiotics.
Let’s get goin’. Horn’s a blowin’.
GOING MY WAY
Susie starts cracking up when Shakespeare arrives wearing beach shorts that he bought in the gift shop. She thinks he looks silly (he looks pretty normal actually) and they both have a good laugh and head off to explore the first stop of Ensenada on this Mexican cruise. Will there be a Mexican Fiesta Night later? Spoiler: there will not. But Julie does organize that a lot, so it was a fair guess.
Later on deck, Susie and Shakespeare are sharing the same drink, trying to pick out people to date, while finding fault in them all and making each other laugh hysterically. Making fun of strangers is funny! We see these two again having a great time after dinner discussing why they can’t find partners. Shakespeare admits he says “I love you” too soon, which scares women away. Susie reveals she believes when a man says he loves her, but always ends up with a broken heart. They stare at the moonlight for a while and have an intimate talk about how glad they are to be on the cruise together and how having your heart broken sucks. In an odd turn of events, they do not make out.
The next morning Susie thanks Shakespeare for their moonlit night, and he tells Susie he loves her. She reacts oddly and leaves the room because of course she does. Later that afternoon when Susie and Shakespeare meet, he apologizes and says he lost his mind a little, but still wants to be great friends. But Susie wants to be more than friends and is now angry he doesn’t love her! Maybe Susie should’ve thought about that when she stormed off earlier.
In their final moonlight talk - yeah seriously, the moon is following these two - Shakespeare thanks Susie for bringing him on the cruise. Susie tells him to kiss her. He agrees because “friends can kiss,” so he gives her a quick peck. Susie says, “aren’t we better friends than that?” Then they make out like crazy. Shakespeare won’t say he loves her, but they can work up to it…. like when they’re married!
Episode Highs
Buddy Hackett for the win!
Episode Rating
4 out of 4 Hacketts.
DANCE WITH ME
HAHAHAHAAA Joanna and William are lying on the edge of the Lido Deck pool in the most obvious and specific pose. They don’t look comfortable at all! Joanna asks William if he was ever in love with his old ballet partner Marcy, and he reminds Joanna of the second law of ballet: never be jealous of old partners. The first law is: when pool posing, be sure to hold position.
We get a lovely peek at Joanna and William practicing dance in an empty Acapulco Lounge when Marcy walks in. She says Joanna is “brilliant” but gives her a few tips anyway. William asks Joanna to take a break, then calls Marcy out for interfering. Instead of arguing back, she invites William to move to Germany and teach for her company because William is getting too old and exhausted to be performing. He doesn’t agree, plus it’s kind of an insult anyway.
It’s announced over the loudspeaker that Joanna and William will be performing a pas de deux from Swan Lake in the Acapulco Lounge. Pre-show, William tells Joanna that Marcy offered him a teaching job in Germany, but Joanna thinks he should decline because he’s at the peak of his performance career. SHOWTIME: Captain Stubing announces William and Joanna and the two dance beautifully. Afterward, Captain Stubing takes Joanna away to tell her how breathtaking she is, and WIlliam briefly grabs the wall as if he’s going to pass out. Marcy sees this happen but the rest of the crowded Acapulco Lounge who literally just watched him dance seems to miss it.
Marcy tells William that the word on the ballet street is that his health isn’t so great, specifically his heart. She gives him a big speech about teaching for her and allowing Joanna the freedom to become the solo star she’s meant to be. Then Marcy starts caressing his cheek, as good friends often do. What a great time for Joanna to walk in. She sees the two and exits quickly out to the moonlight. William follows and tries to explain everything to the back of her head. Luckily, this positioning means she can spin angrily around to face him, and tell him to go to Germany or jump overboard. Germany it is! During this scene, William looks a lot like the “illusionist” David Copperfield. Or is he a “magician?” There’s probably a pretty fine line in the difference, so I guess either/or…
ANYWAY, Captain Stubing is giving Joanna a tour of “the bridge” when she begins to cry because William is leaving for Germany. It was that or overboard so she should be happy he decided to live. In any case, she can’t think about performing without William! Captain Stubing gives her a pep talk about her ballet gift and how it must be shared with the world. Who needs William! She says the Captain is very sweet and thanks him, then heads off to rehearse for her big Love Boat solo performance. Rehearsal pays off - her solo gets a standing ovation, even though she gave William ballet side-eye several times mid-dance. Captain Stubing runs up to her in the middle of the floor and gives her a bunch of roses. Then he gives William Stubing-style side-eye.
Wearing what looks to be the most uncomfortable collar necklace ever, Marcy finds Joanna in the hallway and explains why William is coming to Germany and that it’s best for his health and Joanna’s career. Then Joanna puts on a sparkle jumpsuit and finds William. She says goodbye and the two make out in the weirdest way.
Episode Highs
Dancing!!
Episode Rating
4 out of 4 anchors. 3 anchors for the dancing, 1 anchor for the ballet side-eye.
DOC, BE PATIENT
Gopher and Doc are walking the Lido Deck when Doc needs a minute to sit down. He keeps denying he’s coming down with something, but almost passes out when he stands. Luckily, Dr. Bradford and Captain Stubing are also there, so Dr. Bradford offers to examine him. He refuses, but the Captain gives an order that he be checked out. Cut to a shirtless Doc being examined and complaining about it the entire time. Turns out he has the 24 hour flu! Dr. Bradford can tell the exact timeline of illness duration just by looking. Doc resists the diagnosis at first, but then almost collapses again when he stands up. He agrees to take a nap, much like we all will if this story is just about Doc being a giant baby.
Doc is in bed when Dr. Bradford approaches to give him a shot in the butt for some reason. Doc wants no part of it, and is super scared of needles even though he’s a doctor and deals with needles a lot. He gets the shot anyway, and pulls the ol’ yelp-when-the-cotton-ball-touches-him act. Later that night, Doc is sweating and shivering and doesn’t want Dr. Bradford to leave his side because he’s 7 years old.
Doc wakes up the next morning and Dr. Bradford is sleeping in the chair next to his bed as if he were dying. Doc no longer has a fever and Dr. Bradford decides to order him some food, let him rest, and head off to check on his other patients. What a wonderful vacation she’s having! Doc begs her to come back and take him on the deck for some sun. Doc is in love, and obviously the best way to woo a woman is to act like a giant-sized, whining, helpless infant.
After having lounged on the Lido Deck under a blanket (??), we see Doc doing Jack LaLanne-style side stretches in a tight yellow shirt in his cabin. Dr. Bradford knocks and he jumps into bed and acts sickly. Dr. Bradford is all dressed up to head for the Acapulco Lounge since it is her vacation and all, but Doc starts faking coughs and sneezes and prevents her from leaving. She stays and misses out on an enjoyable evening because Doc is a selfish jerk. After several games of Backgammon, Dr. Bradford finally wants to leave to which Doc responds, “why are you treating me like this?” He admits he feels very close to her, but she’s acting like there’s nothing between them. (There IS nothing between them.) After Doc tells Dr. Bradford he loves her, she kindly explains that he’s just having the ye olde ‘fall-for-your-doctor’ thing. (Is that a thing???) He realizes she’s right and instantly grows up.
Episode Highs
Doc’s fake sneezes. Very dramatic.
Episode Rating
1 out of 4 anchors. I love a good Doc story, but not as much as I hate manbabies.
Exiting Extras
Blue poof paper flower, green poof paper flower, orange poof paper flower, yellow poof paper flower. Man in a suit wearing a sombrero - sure to impress them back at the office!
Episode Rating
Medium to large ship. BuhbuhDoc was saved by Buddy Hackett and ballet.